A deserve issue?

I've been thinking a lot lately about the results I am creating, or failing to create in my life. I have been trying to look at the facts and the stories I have created around those facts. I attach meanings (stories) to events or facts and then continue to run those stories by looking for the same events so I can be right. My biggest or strongest example of this right now is related to my weight. The fact is that I am overweight. The meaning I attach to that is that I will always be overweight and because of that, I am a failure and always will be. In order to be right about this, I overeat every time I have some success at releasing weight and gain back every pound I released, and usually more. If I dig a little deeper I find that the real reason I do this is because it is a way to punish myself for thinking I deserve to be healthy and fit, and a way to be right about my story that I will always be overweight.

I don't have to be strong enough to change this story on my own. The Bible tells me that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength, and everything is possible for him who believes.

I was recently told that God waits for me (us) to act first. Instead of waiting to feel powerful or confident, I need to move ahead in my weakness.

I think the reason I don't deserve to be healthy and fit is because I might attract attention if I am, and I don't deserve attention because I don't live up to other people's expectations, and that makes me unlovable and unworthy of other people's time and attention. Definitely a deserve issue!

It's time to move past my fears, step into deserving, and take action. I have read and researched and watched others. I have even had some small successes in the past that show me I can release weight. I learned recently that I need to commit first, and then my heart will kick in. I also need to pray, spend time with God, and read the Bible to learn and remember who I am in Christ.

On my own, I don't deserve anything good. As a child of God, I am an heir to eternal life and I am responsible for taking care of this body I have been given to go through life in. It's time to get started doing just that. Maybe, just maybe, I will find out I deserve to move forward in health and wholeness.